Have you ever been swarmed with so many thoughts you aren't sure how to sort them all out? They don't even have to be bad thoughts, even the good thoughts can be completely overwhelming. I find it interesting to see emotions and the mind interact. I have been on study overload the past two weeks preparing for an exam and now that it is over I feel a flood of thoughts and emotions. This is a usual occurrence for me after a big exam and this time I am hypothesizing why. My first thought is that while I am studying or preparing for a major event, I become very narrow minded in my thinking. I will say to myself and those around me, "Nothing matters right now except preparing for what is ahead. After that I can step back and focus on the other stuff." I am fairly certain this mentality is a result of my type AAA personality. I have to do my best and for me, I always feel my best is focusing 110% on the task at hand. The upside to this is that I am able to focus and the outcome is more favorable for me. The downside, this mentality is exhausting and ends up putting me behind in other areas of my life. My second hypothesis is that I try to separate emotions from my prep. A part of me, maybe the scientist in me, sees emotions as a unnecessary complication on the road to success. The problem, I am human and emotional by design. Emotions are a beautiful things. I am learning to stop suppressing them and to experience them. It allows me to connect with people, get excited, express pain, and live a life of passion. And I intend on living a passionate life.
Honestly, I think that this flood is a combination of all my hypothesizes. I also think that I am starting to see this because I am trying to be more self-aware of myself. I am currently on a journey of self care and self discovery. The second part of this journey of discovering myself is also discovering how to improve myself in a healthy way. So, what's next? I think I need to try and be more intentional with my preparation for exams and events. This is something I have been working on and see an incredible difference in myself. I feel mentally healthier and I am starting to find real joy in my daily lifestyle again. I am finding my passions again. By accepting myself, I can take care of myself. I can live my life with passion.
Honestly, I know I will never have it all figured it out. That's kind of the exciting part. We change, we reevaluate, we work to adapt, and we review, but this process is not so linear. We have so many other contributing factors influencing the process. Those extra pieces to the puzzle just add to the beauty of our lives.
I realize I wrote from my own perspective but I am hoping you all can gain something from my own journey. I have changed so much in the last few years and I am a healthier person now, a fuller individual. My prayer is that you all find your way a fuller version of yourself. That's why I like to say, "Be the best you." You will never look back and regret being the best you. You are beautiful; you were created by God as a beautiful individual intended to live a full life! He has really been teaching me how to live the life He intended for me and to be who created me to be.
Goal-- live a life of passion!!!
Ready, Set, Go!!!!
Maisie
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